Because there are only 40 days left before the election.

Because I can’t yell “BULLSHIT!” and “SHENANIGANS!” at the same time.

Because I don’t even know where to begin tonight.

I’m going to break with the format tonight because today’s developments have been sooo crazy. Not the typical Dubya-style crazy that we’ve grown used to over the past eight years, but, um… how to compare? Remember when Elizabeth, Indiana made the national news because some guy kept his dead mother around in the house. And kept all her dead cats in Rubbermaid containers? And he lived just up the street from our buddy James? That’s the kind of batshit crazy day this has been.

This afternoon, I was looking through the news sites, trying to find some coverage of Biden’s appearance in nearby Jeffersonville, Indiana. That’s when I started seeing headlines that didn’t make any sense to me — mentions of cancelling debates and suspending campaigns. It took a little reading to find out what was going on.

Let me see if I can recap the timeline.

At 8:30 in the ayem, the Team Obama calls Team McCain. It looks like Barry and John were talking directly to each other. Purpose of the call? A reach-out to put together a unified statement opposing Bush’s bailout in its current form. It’s a private call, because once the issue is out publicly, it’s a political football.

Obama: “Let’s do it.”

McCain: “OK. But you know, I’m kinda tanking in the polls here. How about we call off the campaigns and the debate until we get this taken care of?”

Obama: “Um, let’s do the statement. And have your campaign talk to my campaign about that other silliness.”

McCain: “(Drat!) OK, I’ll call you right back.”

Time passes. And later on, round about 2:30 or so, Team Obama sees McCain on the TV (in a recorded statement), talking about suspending his campaign. “Tomorrow morning, I will suspend my campaign and return to Washington,” he says. “I have spoken to Senator Obama and informed him of my decision and have asked him to join me.” Not a mention of Obama’s call earlier in the day. No mention of the joint statement. Just Johnny. Glory-whoring it up for all the points he can get. Vainglorious as hell.

Before we get into McCain’s absolute dorkery, what was he doing in these six hours? Huddling with his economic team? Maybe. Seeking the wisdom of experts? Probably not. But this much we do know. “[He] made it to his scheduled morning meeting with Lady Lynn de Rothschild.” Yeah, the international financier. Who can’t decide whether she lives in New York or London. The “mistress of two grand British estates.” Who hasn’t had to work at all for the past 15 years. Who considers Obama an elitist. Who called voters ‘rednecks.’ (Can you tell this woman touches a nerve in me?)

*shudder*

OK. So why postpone anything? John McCain hasn’t cast a vote in the Senate since April 8th. I think they can manage without him. Let’s go pull out a block quote for this one. Harry Reid:

This is a critical time for our country. While I appreciate that both candidates have signaled their willingness to help, Congress and the Administration have a process in place to reach a solution to this unprecedented financial crisis.

I understand that the candidates are putting together a joint statement at Senator Obama’s suggestion. But it would not be helpful at this time to have them come back during these negotiations and risk injecting presidential politics into this process or distract important talks about the future of our nation’s economy. If that changes, we will call upon them. We need leadership; not a campaign photo op.

If there were ever a time for both candidates to hold a debate before the American people about this serious challenge, it is now.

I suppose this is the kind of situation where email might come in handy. You know, I would love to show McCain videoconferencing. Not only would it blow his mind, but I’d love to see him get excited about graciously crafting a tax break for “Conjurers of sight and sound.”

Any why cancel — or even postpone the debate? Let’s be very generous and overlook the Obama-will-likely-wipe-the-debate-floor-with-McCain factor. Let’s pretend there’s some altruism to these suggestions. If McCain is confident that we can get a solution to the bailout situation by the time markets open on Monday, shouldn’t The People get to hear about it? When, in recent times, has there been a better time for a debate? They’re talking about numbers like $700 billion. If McCain wants us to take his newfound pro-regulation stance seriously, he’s going to need to dance those shoes for us a little more.

What the heck? Let’s bring in some video:

Lots of players are suggesting that a fix would be ready by the end of the week anyway? Why the kerfluffle? So McCain — who’s had so many wheels fall off in the past two weeks that the Straight Talk Express can only slide down steep hills and even then only thanks to its slimy underbelly — can stop the poll-hemorrhaging, look like the man who got deeply serious, and try to take some credit for something that will have likely happened whether or not he was around.

And now the McCain camp wants to bump Friday’s debate to next Thursday. Hmm. What an interesting, arbitrary date to choose. Let me check my calendar? Anything scheduled for that evening? Oh wait. That’s right, the Biden/Palin Vice-Presidential debate.

Why would they want to bump the VP debate? Jump to 4:30.

That’s why. Palin’s not ready. She can’t handle an interview with Katie Couric, who promised “no gotchas.” She left her assignment at home and offers to bring it in tomorrow. Sarah, as someone who did that all through high school, I know you didn’t do your homework.

Dubya’s hosting a meeting in the morning. He’s invited both Senators Obama and McCain as well as congressional leaders. Call me paraoid, but if I were Obama, I’d be checking the place out for seams in the carpets and trap door buttons on desks.

If Obama makes it out alive, I’m having trouble envisioning a scenario in which today didn’t cost McCain the election.